What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 12:35
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Can bosses get fired for being too hard on employees?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I don,t even have a pension.
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My mum and dad in the seventies!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Why am I not getting any atheists to debate with? Are they scared?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Ive learnt so much.
I have no regrets .
When you visit a store, do you go to shop or buy?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
It was going to be , some day.
What is it like to have an insanely beautiful girlfriend?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And i lived it daily.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She found it foreign!.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What is one fantasy you have never told anyone about but really want to do?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
What traits are considered unattractive? Which traits are typically seen as attractive and why?
I said to her
So, i spoilt her more .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
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I could never make a relationship work though!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
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She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My life is so biszare .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
This is soul school!.
I was 9 years of age.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She was in good health!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I write beautiful poetry .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I will be 64.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
All the time i was locked up.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She wouldn,t have been !
I waited trembling.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What did i know ?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why did i forgive my father ?
He resisted the act ,that day.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was very sick at this time too.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were not on the streets..
My family never makes their pension either.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But, we were locked up after school.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But ive been too sick for many years..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Put me off passion for life!!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I think the readers, may guess!
We all went to grammer schools
Especially a lifetime of it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was scared of men, in general
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was seconnd youngest,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Who then, do I blame.?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She married twice! .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But it wasn’t much.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im still living with it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He knew the spot.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Would this be the day?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So whats the point in blame.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She loved him until the end.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
When she asked me how she looked .
One cannot live in the past .